Lost Angel
by The Lighter Side of Darkness
Summary: It's an angsty fic set after season 4. Buffy looses her Angel because of a plan gone wrong, but she's supposed to get him back. How? read and find out...please!


LOST ANGEL.  
By The Lighter Side of Darkness.  
The_Lighter_Side_of_Darkness@hotmail.com  
  
Ramblings: i don't own Buffy, Angel, Xander, Willow, Giles, Riley or anyother character from the BtVS universe. They all belong to Joss and probably some other people, all i know is they don't belong to be. I do however own the story because i came up with the idea, so please don't steal...not that you would want to. If you do want it for some reason then email me and i'm very likely to let you use it.   
This is set in between season four and five, just so you know.   
Thanks to Kyoki for reading at helping sort this out, because it was in a bit of a mess.   
Anyhoo, onward with the story!   
* * * * *   
  
  
  
Lost Angel.  
  
The young blonde haired girl stood peering over the gravestone, playing nervously with a silver Claddaugh ring that was on her left hand. The headstone read ...  
  
Here lies the remains of our Fallen Guardian Angel,   
He who looked after us   
Protected us  
Kept in the shadows  
As not to be noticed  
And now quietly passed  
A shield from Hell  
  
The girl was carrying a rose, which petals were blood red. She dropped the rose as its thorns pricked her finger and drew blood. The rose floated down to the ground and laid diagonally across the grave. The girl hung her head with sadness. A tear trickled down her cheek and glistened in the icy mist, but she turned away from the grave   
  
" I don't want Angel to see me cry." she whispered to herself.  
  
She used the sleeve of her blue long sleeved top to wipe away the tear. The girl sighed and hugged herself, trying to keep warm.  
  
"Oh Angel, why did you have to leave us." She spoke to the head stone in a quite, almost timid voice "I should never have agreed to that stupid, stupid plan."   
  
She spoke getting angrier and angrier. A man stepped forward out of the shadows and spoke quietly, trying to console her,  
  
" Buffy, you weren't to know it wouldn't work. It was a long shot and... well I don't know, it should have worked... maybe it still will, maybe it just takes a few days, maybe Angel will come back."  
  
Buffy turned to face the man,  
  
" Xander, he was the only one who truly knew me, he was the only one I truly loved and... and now he's gone."   
  
She spoke crying more than she was before. Xander opened up his arms and Buffy fell into them sobbing into his chest. He hugged her, stroking her hair, saying comforting words. He'd never liked Angel much, he'd even hated him most of the time, but he detested him for making Buffy feel this way.  
  
" Buffy, it'll be OK, you've got me and Willow. I know we'll never fill his place but we could always try to make you feel better. And in time, you.... you could, maybe find someone else, someone who could love you the way Angel did."  
  
Buffy wasn't listening, she was crying into Xander's chest too distressed to listen. Xander still held Buffy in his arms and walked away from the Gravestone. Xander tried to walk her home, where she could be alone, with her memories of Angel  
  
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *  
  
Buffy walked aimlessly through the halls of Sunnydale UC. She clutched her books to her chest like they were a comfort blankets and with them she would be OK. A girl the same age as Buffy with bright red hair walked beside her.   
  
"Buffy, its gonna be OK, you've got Riley. He'll help you through it. OK, he's not Angel but at least he loves you." spoke the girl.  
  
"Willow I know you're trying to cheer me up but it isn't working. I... I just need to be by myself for a bit. You know, sort it out in my own head that Angel's not coming back, ever, as a Vampire or as a Human."  
  
Buffy remained silent as they walked, Willow flicked through the books she carried in her arms. She pulled out a rather old looking note book, her Spellbook. She opened up the page that had been book marked with a piece of yellowing paper. By this point Buffy and Willow had reached the door of their dormitory.  
  
Willow held onto the pile of books, keeping her thumb on the page had she had just found. She fumbled in her bag that hung at her hip, she found her keys and opened the door while Buffy stood there muted.  
  
Buffy and willow walked into the dorm in single file, not saying a word to each other. Willow busied herself by sorting out the contents of her bag and the books she carried- she put the book she was looking at open on the page she had previously found on her bed.  
  
Buffy on the other hand, sat perched on the end of her bed like she was a stranger, uncomfortable in her own room. After about five minutes of sitting in a trance she moved onto her bed, lying in a foetal position- her knees crouched up to her chin and her arms wrapped around them. Buffy fell into a deep sleep, dreaming of the moment Angel came to her with that ridiculous spell ...  
  
***START OF DREAM***  
  
Through the mist of the graveyard Buffy is patrolling through one of Sunnydale's cemeteries when a tall man dressed in a long dark coat walks behind her, silently.  
  
"OK" Buffy sighed "I know one of you vamps are behind me so show your face or I'll introduce you to Mr Pointy." Buffy spoke with an air of authority.  
  
"Hello Buffy." replied the vampire. The vampire didn't have his 'Vamp face' on as this was how he preferred to be.  
  
"Oh, um Hey Angel.." Buffy replied, startled. "What are you doing her? in Sunnydale I mean."  
  
"I found a spell which will close Sunnydale's Hellmouth. The only catch is um ...err..." Angel spoke stumbling, not wanting to finish the sentence.  
  
"Angel, just spit-it-out I gotta go home and write a psych paper yet." Buffy replied with a hint of annoyance in her voice.  
  
"Err, OK." he paused. "The spell only works if the slayer kills her true love. If it works then the Hellmouth will be closed forever and her true love will be returned to her in perfect form" Angel spoke in a matter of fact kind of way. " The problem is I don't know if you would be willing to sacrifice Riley, even if it would restore him to perfect health."   
  
"Angel you'd be willing to risk your life to help me?" Buffy asked not even having to explain that he was her true love, she knew that he knew, he would always be the one.  
  
"Yeah." Angel replied staring intensely into Buffy's eyes.  
  
Buffy paused looking into Angel's eyes, into his soul.  
  
"I err, um." Buffy mumbled not knowing what to say. But speaking if only to break the silence.  
  
"Well anyway." Angel spoke not wanting to talk about his sacrifice "I, we better go to Giles to get the incantation checked out. I'll see you tomorrow, at Giles's house after sun set."  
  
With that Angel disappeared into the shadows, leaving Buffy in the graveyard stunned with their conversation.  
  
***END OF DREAM***  
  
Buffy awoke from her dream, crying with sadness but smiling a small smile with the thought of Angel sacrificing himself for her. She got up and walked over to the sink in the kitchen and splashed water on her face. The cool sensation of the water cooled down her face from all the crying that she had done. She went back over to her desk and sat down and looked through her draw until she found a tattered old pink notebook. She also took out another book which was covered in exactly the same way, it just looked a little newer.   
  
Buffy took the older looking book and opened it to the first page where it said  
  
Buffy Summers'  
Diary  
Keep Out  
  
She flicked through the pages until she found what she was looking for, the first time she met Angel in the Mausoleum. Buffy went back to looking over her diary's, over the memories of Angel, meeting him for the first time, being annoyed with his appearing only for emergencies and then finally falling in love with him. She flicked over the pages where Angel had become Angelus, due to his 'moment of pure happiness' with her.   
  
She went to read over the entries about where Angel had come back from hell but stopped. Looking through the entries she had read, she could see Angel was willing to sacrifice himself for her on numerous occasions and that .... that he was and would always be her true love, her soulmate. But she couldn't see why the spell hadn't worked.  
  
'Angel, I always loved you' Buffy thought 'I always will.'  
  
Buffy walked over to the brown door that was her closet. She pulled out a large baggy T-shirt that had Sunnydale high written on it with bright yellow letters and a pair of equally baggy flannel trousers. She slipped out of the floral dress she had been wearing and put on the trousers and T-shirt. She climbed into bed and the moment her head hit the pillow she was asleep, dreaming of Angel, again ...  
  
***START OF DREAM***  
  
Buffy stood at the doors to Angel's home, playing with a stake nervously. The spell for Closing the Hellmouth required the remains of four vampires and Buffy wasn't going hunting alone, not when Angel was around.  
  
Buffy walked into the abandoned mansion were Angel was living. Angel was sitting on a large comfortable chair that had been left there since before Angel had moved to LA. He sat in front of a large roaring fire reading and old book which had seen better days.  
  
"Uh, Angel." Buffy spoke sounding uncomfortable "Are you ready to go hunting?"  
  
"Humm, oh Sure." Angel replied putting down his book, grabbing his coat and leading the way out of the mansion.  
  
Buffy and Angel walked to he graveyard in perfect silence, they knew what had to be done and that was all that mattered. Once they had arrived at the graveyard Buffy immediately spotted a tall burly man dressed in a sports T-shirt and worn looking jeans. Angel disappeared so Buffy could do the' helpless little girl' act.   
  
Buffy walked up to the vampire pretending to be lost. The vampire fell for the trick and tried to grab Buffy, except she had pulled his left arm out in front of him, twisted it round and pushed it behind his back, causing him great pain.  
  
Angel then appeared out of the shadows and staked the vampire right in the heart. The vampire exploded a few seconds later and Buffy began to gather up the dust he had left behind and put it into a small plastic bag.  
  
Buffy and Angel fought and dusted the other three vampires they needed in pretty much the same way they had dusted the first one. Buffy packed away the four bags of dust and she and Angel headed back to Giles Apartment where they would meet Willow, Xander and Giles.  
  
Buffy and Angel approached Giles house were they saw The Scooby gang waiting for them. They were all there, so was Cordelia who had travelled down from LA with Angel. None of the group spoke for a few minutes they all just looked at each other as if to say 'this may be the last time we see each other'. After those few minutes Giles spoke up  
  
"We really must be going, the book said the spell worked better at midnight."  
  
They all nodded and walked to the entrance to the Hellmouth, Sunnydale High School. Of course after defeating the Mayor the school was no longer standing and the rubble had been cleared so all that was left was the beginnings of the Mayor Richard Wilkins III memorial park. They managed to locate the exact position of the Hellmouth because there was no grass in one part of the park. It had been said that nothing could grow above or below evil, this proved it.   
  
They all put down the bags they has been carrying and Willow took out a small plastic pot with holes in the top. She took the dust from the Vampires and filled the container and muttered a few phrases. She then began to draw a five point star on the murky brown soil.   
  
At each of the points of the star sat one of the Scooby gang. The top of the star faced northwards, in line with the moon, this was needed for the spell. Buffy took her place at this point knowing she had to sit here for the spell to work properly, but not wanting to because it meant she would have to look into Angel's deep brown eyes as he descended into the realms of the other world, to close the Hellmouth for good.  
  
Angel took his place, sitting cross legged in the centre of the star. In his lap lay a small red book, with thick crinkled pages. Once the rest of the gang had took their places Angel began to speak...  
  
"I give myself to thy place,   
of evil and the demonic race.  
The vampires lair,  
And Demons home.  
Enclosed in this spiritual dome, I give myself  
Of truth and love   
To protect for all  
And guard with those from above".  
  
Angel closed the book and tossed it so it landed outside the star. Once he had re-settled himself he closed his eyes and listened to what the Scooby gang chanted ...  
  
"We use thy moon to guide the light,  
Of his oath  
And sacrifice.  
  
His pure heart  
And slayers embrace  
Ensure thy oath means   
Darkness into life."  
  
A few moments later blinding light engulfed Angel and the star, filling the Scooby gang too. The light was intense and made the gang space out, until a mighty boom shook them all and the light faded. Once the light had gone and the gang regained its eyesight, they noticed Angel's was no longer in the star, there was only a pile of ashes, his ashes.  
  
"Oh, Angel." Buffy sobbed.  
  
***END OF DREAM***  
  
Buffy awoke covered in sweat from her dream. She got up, threw on the clothes she had been wearing before she went to bed and race out of the door, leaving Willow asleep.  
  
The wind outside whistled, stinging as it hit Buffy's bare arms, but she didn't care. She ran through Sunnydale to the outskirts where Angel home used to be. Buffy went inside and sat in Angel's favourite chair pulling her leather coat around her. Buffy drifted off to sleep again, not caring if she would have one of those dreams, she hadn't slept in days and all this sleep must have been doing her some good.  
  
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *  
  
Buffy awoke again, in the middle of the night, she had managed to sleep for several hours without having one of those dream and decided to get up. She walked around the mansion that Angel used when he visited Sunnydale, hoping to find something to eat or some warmer clothes than what she was wearing.   
  
Buffy walked through one of the door, not knowing the layout of this mansion, as Angel hadn't stayed in Sunnydale for a long time, once he had been brought back from Hell. She pushed the solid oak door and stepped into the door frame, amazed at the things she saw in there.  
  
The whole room was decorated quite simply, with black and white furniture. But around the walls were several framed drawings of Buffy. Each one bore such a likeness to Buffy, she felt as though she was looking in a mirror, and not at a drawing. In one of the pictures of Buffy asleep, there was a small inscription  
  
'Buffy, my love sleep well knowing I will always be there for you.'  
  
Buffy felt a tear slide down her cheek, leading the way for a small stream of tears. She couldn't help herself, she was physically and emotionally drained and this had set her off. She sank to the floor, hugging her knees and leaning against the white walls.  
  
Buffy had easily sat there crying for ten minutes when she wiped away the tears and got up. 'No I mustn't cry' she thought to herself. She got up and left the room and opened the door to another room. This had been Angel's bedroom. Buffy went over to the ornately decorated wardrobe. On the top she was a large Sunnydale High sweater and large cargo pants. Buffy picked them up and put them over the clothes she was already wearing.  
  
Buffy left Angel's home and walked back to the Dorms of Sunnydale UC. On the way there she walked through the graveyard, stopping at Angel's grave.   
  
She stood looking at Angel's grave, when a pain ripped through stomach. Buffy doubled over clutching her stomach and screwing up her eyes. The pain was unbearable, like someone was tearing her insides in shreds with a blunt knife.   
  
Buffy couldn't stand it, her legs were getting weak and moments later they sent her crashing to the ground. She writhed around the floor, Angel's grave. Suddenly the pain stopped, but Buffy felt weak and the weakness was growing. She was finding it hard to keep her eyes open and finally after a few minutes, she gave up.  
  
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *  
  
Buffy saw a brightly whitish light filling her vision. A figure dressed all in black stepped forward, it was Angel. Angel extended out his hand helping Buffy to her feet. Once she had steadied herself Angel pulled her towards him and kissed her lightly on the cheek.  
  
" I love you Buffy." he spoke  
  
"I know Angel, I love you too. But were are we, what happened to the Graveyard?" she asked inquisitively.  
  
"Don't you know, we... we're in that perfect place, together."  
  
Angel pulled Buffy closer and kissed her. They stood like that, for what seemed an eternity. Angel had been returned to Buffy, but not in the way she thought. She would be with him forever, just as she had always wanted, her dream had come true.  
  
THE END  



End file.
